1 00:00:01,067 --> 00:00:02,833 - He's dead?! - He looks it, doesn't he? 2 00:00:02,933 --> 00:00:05,367 Found that in my pocket at the bowls club last night. 3 00:00:05,467 --> 00:00:06,733 Who could know about William? 4 00:00:06,833 --> 00:00:09,900 Well, no-one. We've been unbelievably careful. 5 00:00:10,000 --> 00:00:13,333 I am your great-uncle Otto from Bavaria. 6 00:00:13,433 --> 00:00:16,233 Look, it's Pamela Anderson. 7 00:00:16,333 --> 00:00:17,300 We're screwed. 8 00:00:17,400 --> 00:00:18,567 Coming clean will mean that we can 9 00:00:18,667 --> 00:00:20,000 fully pursue Pam for the blackmail. 10 00:00:20,100 --> 00:00:23,033 Just one small problem. You're in this photo. 11 00:00:23,933 --> 00:00:25,767 Right, then, change of plan. 12 00:00:25,867 --> 00:00:27,667 I thought you said we weren't going to pay Pamela. 13 00:00:27,767 --> 00:00:28,767 We're not. We're doing 14 00:00:28,867 --> 00:00:30,367 a little thing called the hamburger trick, 15 00:00:30,467 --> 00:00:32,267 but we can't set a trap without bait. 16 00:00:34,000 --> 00:00:36,300 - Shitting hell! Who are you? - What's this about? 17 00:00:36,400 --> 00:00:38,967 You'll never believe this, but Pamela Anderson, 18 00:00:39,067 --> 00:00:40,833 - she's in cahoots. - With who? 19 00:00:40,933 --> 00:00:43,567 Marcus, the funeral director. 20 00:00:46,267 --> 00:00:47,500 I even did this. 21 00:00:48,767 --> 00:00:50,933 - We'll be watching. - That's class. 22 00:00:51,033 --> 00:00:52,233 Sounds like you really freaked him out. 23 00:00:52,333 --> 00:00:53,800 Aye, he was properly shaking. 24 00:00:53,900 --> 00:00:55,733 He was like a little dog. 25 00:00:55,833 --> 00:00:58,600 He goes, "Please don't arrest me. I've got eczema. 26 00:00:58,700 --> 00:01:00,633 "I'm scared. I'm scared." 27 00:01:03,333 --> 00:01:05,800 Oh, God, I'm an awful person. 28 00:01:05,900 --> 00:01:08,667 No, no. No, you're not, you're not. He had it coming, 29 00:01:08,767 --> 00:01:10,300 but now it's just the adrenaline's worn off, 30 00:01:10,400 --> 00:01:11,733 so you're starting to feel anxious. 31 00:01:11,833 --> 00:01:13,000 Eww, I don't want to feel that. 32 00:01:13,100 --> 00:01:15,600 That's your thing. How do I make this stop? 33 00:01:15,700 --> 00:01:17,967 Oh, I just play hours and hours and hours of Football Manager. 34 00:01:18,067 --> 00:01:19,967 I don't wanna play Football Manager. 35 00:01:20,067 --> 00:01:21,833 I hate that game. It's bloody boring. 36 00:01:21,933 --> 00:01:23,100 It's not boring if you understand it. 37 00:01:23,200 --> 00:01:24,333 But that's not important right now. 38 00:01:24,433 --> 00:01:25,667 Just take a deep breath for me. 39 00:01:28,567 --> 00:01:30,567 Now, what are you feeling? 40 00:01:30,667 --> 00:01:33,000 - Guilty. - OK. 41 00:01:33,100 --> 00:01:35,200 Well, we take that bad feeling, OK? 42 00:01:35,300 --> 00:01:36,967 We're just going to push it down, 43 00:01:37,067 --> 00:01:40,200 down here to a little cave. 44 00:01:40,300 --> 00:01:42,667 We're going to close the door. 45 00:01:42,767 --> 00:01:44,800 And now that feeling can't get to you. 46 00:01:44,900 --> 00:01:47,367 - Is this what you do, is it? - Yeah. 47 00:01:47,467 --> 00:01:49,600 Harry, you're on antidepressants. 48 00:01:49,700 --> 00:01:51,600 You can't eat a yoghurt without retching. 49 00:01:51,700 --> 00:01:54,000 Yeah, I'm not saying I'm the pinnacle of mental wellbeing. 50 00:01:54,100 --> 00:01:56,567 - I'm just trying to help. - Well, it hasn't. 51 00:01:57,433 --> 00:01:58,467 OK. 52 00:02:00,733 --> 00:02:02,267 Where are you going? 53 00:02:02,367 --> 00:02:04,267 I need to play some Football Manager. 54 00:02:34,733 --> 00:02:38,133 Right, well, that's the last of my Parky pills. 55 00:02:38,233 --> 00:02:40,500 May as well just die now, then. 56 00:02:40,600 --> 00:02:43,633 Take me to Beachy Head and I'll wobble myself off. 57 00:02:43,733 --> 00:02:46,933 William! You need to be more resilient. 58 00:02:47,033 --> 00:02:49,200 Resilience doesn't come into it 59 00:02:49,300 --> 00:02:51,000 when your nervous system runs 60 00:02:51,100 --> 00:02:53,533 like a car engine lubricated with turds. 61 00:02:53,633 --> 00:02:56,633 Yes, yes. Poor you. 62 00:02:56,733 --> 00:03:02,433 We will get you some more pills, so just relax. 63 00:03:06,267 --> 00:03:08,300 - Are you winding me up? - What? 64 00:03:08,400 --> 00:03:09,967 When I wanted to buy that drone, 65 00:03:10,067 --> 00:03:12,400 you said we weren't spending the money on fripperies. 66 00:03:12,500 --> 00:03:14,033 This is not a frippery. 67 00:03:14,133 --> 00:03:18,867 This is a state-of-the-art collagen-boosting LED mask. 68 00:03:18,967 --> 00:03:20,267 Oh! It's collagen-boosting, is it? 69 00:03:20,367 --> 00:03:22,267 Well, you should have said. I take it all back, then. 70 00:03:22,367 --> 00:03:25,967 - Science, is it? - Yes. Don't be such a Luddite. 71 00:03:26,067 --> 00:03:28,867 Yeah, well, you look... You look like a sexbot. 72 00:03:28,967 --> 00:03:30,333 - Thank you very much. - Hmm. 73 00:03:30,433 --> 00:03:33,500 Face of C-3PO in the body of R2-D2. 74 00:03:33,600 --> 00:03:35,300 Ow. 75 00:03:36,800 --> 00:03:39,333 - I'm your sexbot. - You are, you sexy sexbot. 76 00:03:39,433 --> 00:03:40,867 You are. 77 00:03:40,967 --> 00:03:42,067 Nighty-tight. 78 00:03:42,167 --> 00:03:43,367 Oh, God... 79 00:03:49,667 --> 00:03:51,733 You did remember to turn the oven off, didn't you? 80 00:03:51,833 --> 00:03:54,833 - Yes, I'm not senile yet. - Hmm. 81 00:03:56,733 --> 00:03:58,033 What's that smell, though? 82 00:03:58,133 --> 00:04:00,333 As you well know, that nice Mr Parkinson 83 00:04:00,433 --> 00:04:02,267 has taken that sense from me. 84 00:04:02,367 --> 00:04:03,433 It's like... 85 00:04:04,767 --> 00:04:06,600 ...sort of roast pork. 86 00:04:08,833 --> 00:04:10,133 Oh, effing Nora! 87 00:04:10,233 --> 00:04:11,433 It's my own face. 88 00:04:11,533 --> 00:04:12,933 Agh! 89 00:04:13,033 --> 00:04:15,067 Oh! Ow! Ow! Ow! 90 00:04:16,300 --> 00:04:18,933 - Has that left marks? - Um... 91 00:04:20,300 --> 00:04:23,733 It appears the Debratron 3000 has somewhat malfunctioned. 92 00:04:23,833 --> 00:04:25,867 Oh, God! 93 00:04:46,767 --> 00:04:48,467 So you think someone tried to obtain 94 00:04:48,567 --> 00:04:50,133 your medication fraudulently? 95 00:04:50,233 --> 00:04:51,300 That's right, yes. 96 00:04:51,400 --> 00:04:53,100 Did you recognise him? 97 00:04:56,100 --> 00:04:57,300 Are you all right? 98 00:04:57,400 --> 00:04:59,633 Yeah. Sorry. It's just your uniform. 99 00:04:59,733 --> 00:05:01,667 What about it? 100 00:05:01,767 --> 00:05:05,667 Um, I got accidentally arrested on a trip to York Minster once. 101 00:05:05,767 --> 00:05:08,033 I'd gone because it has a very nice Gothic nave, 102 00:05:08,133 --> 00:05:10,367 but I was carrying some soup for my lunch 103 00:05:10,467 --> 00:05:12,600 and they thought I was part of Just Stop Oil. 104 00:05:13,633 --> 00:05:16,333 Anyway, I got body-slammed into a communion table, 105 00:05:16,433 --> 00:05:18,167 and now I'm having flashbacks. 106 00:05:18,267 --> 00:05:19,633 I'm sorry to hear that. 107 00:05:23,267 --> 00:05:25,700 - Could it have been a mix-up? - I don't think so. 108 00:05:25,800 --> 00:05:29,967 There is one other chap round here with Parkinson's, 109 00:05:30,067 --> 00:05:31,433 but he died. 110 00:05:33,600 --> 00:05:34,767 Did he now? 111 00:05:35,767 --> 00:05:39,267 OK, so this is who tried to steal Ken's medication. 112 00:05:39,367 --> 00:05:43,433 - Do you recognise him? - Well, he looks annoying. 113 00:05:45,533 --> 00:05:48,500 Stop going out. This is really serious. 114 00:05:48,600 --> 00:05:50,967 - I know. I've got Parkinson's. - No. 115 00:05:51,067 --> 00:05:53,400 I mean, you can't steal other people's medication. 116 00:05:53,500 --> 00:05:55,867 - That is not OK. - Yeah. What were you thinking? 117 00:05:55,967 --> 00:05:59,067 Well, it didn't work, did it? I'm completely out of pills 118 00:05:59,167 --> 00:06:01,467 and I'm desperate. You know, we tried everything else. 119 00:06:01,567 --> 00:06:03,333 That is a deeply concerning sentence. 120 00:06:03,433 --> 00:06:04,667 What else have you tried? 121 00:06:18,833 --> 00:06:20,733 Your hand has stopped shaking. 122 00:06:20,833 --> 00:06:22,000 Oh. 123 00:06:23,333 --> 00:06:25,100 - It was the other one before. - Oh. 124 00:06:28,133 --> 00:06:31,133 They come and go, the tremors. 125 00:06:31,233 --> 00:06:33,533 Could you move your seat back, please? 126 00:06:33,633 --> 00:06:34,867 Oh. 127 00:06:34,967 --> 00:06:36,833 Just another test? 128 00:06:36,933 --> 00:06:38,567 No. You have a very sibilant way 129 00:06:38,667 --> 00:06:40,233 of speaking, and I'm worried 130 00:06:40,333 --> 00:06:43,333 you're going to expel flecks of your saliva into my mouth. 131 00:06:44,467 --> 00:06:46,100 Also, you don't have Parkinson's. 132 00:06:46,200 --> 00:06:48,000 I think I do. 133 00:06:48,100 --> 00:06:50,100 - You don't. - No, I'm sure I do. 134 00:06:50,200 --> 00:06:51,400 You don't. 135 00:06:51,500 --> 00:06:53,767 - Not even a little bit? - No. 136 00:06:53,867 --> 00:06:56,767 Parkinson's is like pregnancy, Mrs Fendon. 137 00:06:56,867 --> 00:06:59,733 Either you have it or you don't. 138 00:06:59,833 --> 00:07:02,367 Could I get the pills anyway? 139 00:07:02,467 --> 00:07:04,133 Like a sort of vaccine? 140 00:07:04,233 --> 00:07:07,467 Because I feel very much like someone 141 00:07:07,567 --> 00:07:11,600 who's going to get Parkinson's... soon. 142 00:07:11,700 --> 00:07:13,900 And badly. Yeah? 143 00:07:14,000 --> 00:07:15,567 No. 144 00:07:17,433 --> 00:07:19,167 Right. 145 00:07:19,267 --> 00:07:21,667 - I'll smash you. - What did you say? 146 00:07:21,767 --> 00:07:23,533 Nothing. 147 00:07:27,267 --> 00:07:29,100 We rehearsed that for a week. 148 00:07:29,200 --> 00:07:31,700 I'm popping into town. Does anybody want anything? 149 00:07:31,800 --> 00:07:32,967 Yeah. Dad's out of Parky meds. 150 00:07:33,067 --> 00:07:34,700 Well, I'm getting some ibuprofen. 151 00:07:34,800 --> 00:07:35,933 It's not going to touch the sides. 152 00:07:36,033 --> 00:07:38,133 I'm seizing up like the Tin Man here. 153 00:07:38,233 --> 00:07:39,467 Debbie, what happened to your...? 154 00:07:39,567 --> 00:07:40,600 Oh, don't. 155 00:07:40,700 --> 00:07:43,767 It's this bloody thing! I'm returning it. 156 00:07:43,867 --> 00:07:45,200 Basically, I put my head 157 00:07:45,300 --> 00:07:47,833 into a Breville toastie-maker last night. 158 00:07:47,933 --> 00:07:49,667 Poor Debbie and her cooked face. 159 00:07:49,767 --> 00:07:51,067 I've got Parkinson's. 160 00:07:51,167 --> 00:07:53,267 Actually, while you're here, 161 00:07:53,367 --> 00:07:55,600 have you got an update on the, um, the thingy? 162 00:07:55,700 --> 00:07:56,800 You know, last night. 163 00:07:56,900 --> 00:07:58,633 Do you mean the massively unethical fake drugs bust 164 00:07:58,733 --> 00:08:00,967 I orchestrated to protect you from being blackmailed 165 00:08:01,067 --> 00:08:02,967 by a corrupt funeral director and Pamela Anderson, 166 00:08:03,067 --> 00:08:04,600 cos you took a quarter of a million pounds 167 00:08:04,700 --> 00:08:06,700 instead of telling anyone, including your own family, 168 00:08:06,800 --> 00:08:08,133 that your husband wasn't actually dead, 169 00:08:08,233 --> 00:08:10,267 but was alive and well and living in the loft? 170 00:08:10,367 --> 00:08:12,333 - Yeah, that. - Well, no, 171 00:08:12,433 --> 00:08:15,033 but as long as you two stop doing stupid things, 172 00:08:15,133 --> 00:08:18,000 I'd be very surprised if we ever see Marcus again. 173 00:08:18,100 --> 00:08:20,867 - Oh, OK. Well. that's good. - Just to say - I'm not well. 174 00:08:20,967 --> 00:08:22,433 I've got Parkinson's. 175 00:08:22,533 --> 00:08:24,467 - Yeah, we know. - Yeah, we know that. 176 00:08:24,567 --> 00:08:28,067 Oh, endlessly on and on about it... 177 00:09:33,867 --> 00:09:35,467 Oh, my God, it's you! 178 00:09:36,900 --> 00:09:38,867 - H-How did you find me? - I followed you, 179 00:09:38,967 --> 00:09:40,967 which was easier said than done. 180 00:09:41,067 --> 00:09:43,967 Because you're a brisk thing, aren't you? 181 00:09:44,067 --> 00:09:47,433 Oh, sorry. Do you mind? Just budge up a little bit. 182 00:09:47,533 --> 00:09:50,033 That's it. I've not been blessed 183 00:09:50,133 --> 00:09:52,400 with a broad stride pattern. 184 00:09:52,500 --> 00:09:55,100 My son says I bustle about like a Shetland pony, 185 00:09:55,200 --> 00:09:58,000 but then he's got a very cruel sense of humour. 186 00:09:59,133 --> 00:10:02,333 So come on, then. What's the story? 187 00:10:02,433 --> 00:10:05,300 - What do you mean? - Well, why me? 188 00:10:05,400 --> 00:10:06,767 I'm just a widow. 189 00:10:08,167 --> 00:10:09,533 Well, I might not be 190 00:10:09,633 --> 00:10:12,767 the most widow-y widow that ever widowed, 191 00:10:12,867 --> 00:10:14,533 but still... 192 00:10:16,100 --> 00:10:18,033 How did you find out? 193 00:10:30,500 --> 00:10:32,567 William Fendon. 194 00:10:38,000 --> 00:10:39,833 You kissed that corpse. 195 00:10:39,933 --> 00:10:42,733 Well, we've both done things we're not proud of. 196 00:10:44,467 --> 00:10:45,600 I've got to go. 197 00:10:45,700 --> 00:10:48,967 - Where? - Bristol. I'm doing flu camp. 198 00:10:49,067 --> 00:10:51,800 - What's flu camp? - You get paid to get flu. 199 00:10:51,900 --> 00:10:54,333 Are you really that desperate for money? 200 00:10:54,433 --> 00:10:58,367 Look, I got the message last night, OK? 201 00:10:58,467 --> 00:11:01,667 If I'd have known how connected you were, 202 00:11:01,767 --> 00:11:04,467 I never would have done this. 203 00:11:04,567 --> 00:11:06,467 How old are you? 204 00:11:06,567 --> 00:11:08,233 33. 205 00:11:08,333 --> 00:11:10,333 Are you sure about flu camp? 206 00:11:12,933 --> 00:11:15,000 Hmm? Come on. 207 00:11:16,367 --> 00:11:17,567 Come on. 208 00:11:20,600 --> 00:11:23,233 - Any luck? - No. 209 00:11:23,333 --> 00:11:24,367 Dead end. 210 00:11:24,467 --> 00:11:26,267 All right. I need to get back to work, 211 00:11:26,367 --> 00:11:29,367 - but we'll sort something. - OK. 212 00:11:31,533 --> 00:11:32,567 Bye, William. 213 00:11:32,667 --> 00:11:33,767 Hello! 214 00:11:33,867 --> 00:11:35,733 Bye-bye. Yes. 215 00:11:35,833 --> 00:11:36,800 Oh... 216 00:11:36,900 --> 00:11:39,400 - Oh, dear. - Don't worry, it's just drool. 217 00:11:39,500 --> 00:11:41,267 Small mercies. 218 00:11:41,367 --> 00:11:43,467 William! 219 00:11:43,567 --> 00:11:46,767 Oh, I didn't think you two would still be here. 220 00:11:46,867 --> 00:11:48,867 Why? Is there a problem? 221 00:11:48,967 --> 00:11:51,133 Not as such, no. There's nothing... 222 00:11:51,233 --> 00:11:53,533 It's just I've invited someone for lunch. 223 00:11:53,633 --> 00:11:56,533 Oh, for frig's sake. Why have you done that? 224 00:11:56,633 --> 00:11:58,767 I'll be off to the cupboard, then. 225 00:11:58,867 --> 00:12:03,933 No, it's OK, William. The guest is aware of our situation. 226 00:12:17,433 --> 00:12:18,633 Hiya. 227 00:12:20,267 --> 00:12:21,500 Hi. 228 00:12:38,867 --> 00:12:40,367 Good point. Well made. 229 00:12:41,667 --> 00:12:43,833 Well, you've really gone and done it this time. 230 00:12:43,933 --> 00:12:45,567 Could you please offer our guest a drink? 231 00:12:45,667 --> 00:12:47,300 Are you listening to me? 232 00:12:47,400 --> 00:12:50,800 That man in there has been blackmailing us. 233 00:12:50,900 --> 00:12:53,233 You want me just to go there and offer him a sherry? 234 00:12:53,333 --> 00:12:54,500 No, we're out of sherry. 235 00:12:54,600 --> 00:12:55,933 Actually, can you add that to the list? 236 00:12:56,033 --> 00:12:59,333 We've got Shloer and Baileys. Oh, that's probably gone off. 237 00:12:59,433 --> 00:13:00,933 Just offer him a coffee. 238 00:13:01,033 --> 00:13:03,733 If you think I'm being part of this Mad Hatter's tea party, 239 00:13:03,833 --> 00:13:05,800 then that sexbot face mask 240 00:13:05,900 --> 00:13:08,000 must have cooked your brain as well as your cheeks. 241 00:13:08,100 --> 00:13:09,200 So you don't want lunch? 242 00:13:09,300 --> 00:13:12,133 - No, I do not. - OK. It's Charlie Bigham's. 243 00:13:12,233 --> 00:13:15,300 I will have the lunch, but I am not making conversation. 244 00:13:18,867 --> 00:13:20,433 I know you're probably not in the mood 245 00:13:20,533 --> 00:13:22,333 to discuss this right now, but do you think, 246 00:13:22,433 --> 00:13:24,333 and I appreciate this might be a bit annoying 247 00:13:24,433 --> 00:13:26,167 because of what my mum's just done, 248 00:13:26,267 --> 00:13:28,667 but I was thinking, given that you're the police, 249 00:13:28,767 --> 00:13:30,667 and my dad does need his medication... 250 00:13:30,767 --> 00:13:31,833 Get to the point. 251 00:13:31,933 --> 00:13:33,567 Can you recommend a good local drug dealer? 252 00:13:33,667 --> 00:13:35,433 Are you joking? 253 00:13:35,533 --> 00:13:37,333 I need to help my dad. 254 00:13:37,433 --> 00:13:39,333 Right. And... and do you want to help me? 255 00:13:39,433 --> 00:13:40,600 Yeah. Of course. 256 00:13:40,700 --> 00:13:43,133 Then stop asking me to break the law. 257 00:13:45,100 --> 00:13:47,633 You're right. I'm sorry. I'm not thinking clearly. 258 00:13:47,733 --> 00:13:50,267 I mean, why would YOU know someone anyway? 259 00:13:50,367 --> 00:13:53,300 Excuse me. I'm not a total cleanshirt. 260 00:13:53,400 --> 00:13:55,200 I do know someone. 261 00:13:55,300 --> 00:13:57,467 But then, after that, I am done, OK? 262 00:13:57,567 --> 00:13:59,467 And it's only cos I love your dad. 263 00:14:00,633 --> 00:14:01,933 Even though sometimes I do wonder 264 00:14:02,033 --> 00:14:04,933 whether I married into the Fendons or the Gambinos. 265 00:14:05,033 --> 00:14:07,633 I promise, this time next year we'll be legit. 266 00:14:10,867 --> 00:14:11,800 And then it turned out 267 00:14:11,900 --> 00:14:13,900 that not only had Daniel been cheating on me 268 00:14:14,000 --> 00:14:15,400 but the money I'd been giving him, 269 00:14:15,500 --> 00:14:17,167 which I thought was for the mortgage, 270 00:14:17,267 --> 00:14:18,833 he'd been giving to this Renato. 271 00:14:18,933 --> 00:14:21,667 Oh. That's awful, Marcus. 272 00:14:21,767 --> 00:14:22,833 Isn't it, William? 273 00:14:26,000 --> 00:14:27,300 Anyway, I'm over it now. 274 00:14:27,400 --> 00:14:29,200 It doesn't sound like it. 275 00:14:29,300 --> 00:14:31,767 But it did make me behave very badly. 276 00:14:33,000 --> 00:14:36,000 - I can't excuse it. - No, but... But listen. 277 00:14:37,600 --> 00:14:41,267 If a man steals a fish to feed his family, 278 00:14:41,367 --> 00:14:44,233 teach that man to fish, 279 00:14:44,333 --> 00:14:48,600 and he WILL fish... for fish. 280 00:14:53,600 --> 00:14:54,700 Don't worry about it. 281 00:14:54,800 --> 00:14:57,133 She always talks bloody codswallop. 282 00:14:57,233 --> 00:14:59,167 Here! 283 00:15:00,867 --> 00:15:03,400 Just to help you get back on your feet. 284 00:15:03,500 --> 00:15:05,400 Y-Y-You're joking?! 285 00:15:05,500 --> 00:15:07,500 Hang on. If he gets that, then I get my drone. 286 00:15:07,600 --> 00:15:10,033 Oh, have a heart! This lad has been through the wringer. 287 00:15:10,133 --> 00:15:13,033 Debbie, I can't accept this. 288 00:15:13,133 --> 00:15:14,867 No, quite right. Give it back. 289 00:15:14,967 --> 00:15:16,033 Of course you can. 290 00:15:16,133 --> 00:15:17,867 - It is enough, isn't it? - Unbelievable. 291 00:15:17,967 --> 00:15:19,333 I mean, I don't know what to say. 292 00:15:19,433 --> 00:15:21,133 This isn't a trap, is it? 293 00:15:21,233 --> 00:15:25,100 No. We took that money to help people, Marcus. 294 00:15:25,200 --> 00:15:26,400 People like you. 295 00:15:26,500 --> 00:15:30,133 And EVEN people like Pamela Anderson. 296 00:15:30,233 --> 00:15:31,700 Oh. 297 00:15:31,800 --> 00:15:33,367 How do you know her? 298 00:15:33,467 --> 00:15:37,200 Oh, we're old friends. Or we used to be. Yeah. 299 00:15:37,300 --> 00:15:40,967 You never did tell me how you two teamed up. 300 00:15:41,067 --> 00:15:43,800 Did you know each other before the funeral? 301 00:15:43,900 --> 00:15:45,500 Sorry. What on earth are you talking about? 302 00:15:45,600 --> 00:15:47,233 Pamela. 303 00:15:47,333 --> 00:15:48,867 She delivered your blackmail note to me 304 00:15:48,967 --> 00:15:50,000 to me at the bowls club. 305 00:15:50,100 --> 00:15:51,300 Oh... 306 00:15:51,400 --> 00:15:53,900 No, we caught her on CCTV. 307 00:15:56,400 --> 00:15:59,367 Debbie, I'm not teasing your tits here. 308 00:15:59,467 --> 00:16:01,367 I've never seen this before in my life. 309 00:16:04,800 --> 00:16:06,100 Ah... 310 00:16:06,200 --> 00:16:10,367 That might explain why... why this came this morning. 311 00:16:11,867 --> 00:16:15,700 This came today? And you didn't tell me? 312 00:16:20,933 --> 00:16:22,733 I thought we were done, 313 00:16:22,833 --> 00:16:24,167 and, you know, that got stuck in the post. 314 00:16:24,267 --> 00:16:26,367 I mean, the post round here's more unreliable 315 00:16:26,467 --> 00:16:27,600 than your ex-boyfriend. 316 00:16:27,700 --> 00:16:31,100 But this isn't post. This is hand-delivered. 317 00:16:31,200 --> 00:16:32,533 What's the difference? 318 00:16:32,633 --> 00:16:33,933 A stamp! 319 00:16:34,033 --> 00:16:36,267 No, post is what comes through the letterbox! 320 00:16:36,367 --> 00:16:38,267 No, post has a stamp on it. 321 00:16:38,367 --> 00:16:41,167 No, by being posted, it becomes post. 322 00:16:41,267 --> 00:16:43,833 No, post has a stamp on it. Tell him, Marcus... 323 00:16:43,933 --> 00:16:45,200 I'm afraid I do agree with Deborah. 324 00:16:45,300 --> 00:16:47,000 Yes. See? 325 00:16:47,100 --> 00:16:48,433 Thank you, Marcus. 326 00:16:59,667 --> 00:17:01,100 - Harold. - Jesus! 327 00:17:02,433 --> 00:17:05,367 - You're like the Candyman. - Who's the Candyman? 328 00:17:05,467 --> 00:17:07,000 Was it another one of your cruel jokes 329 00:17:07,100 --> 00:17:08,033 about my sweet tooth? 330 00:17:08,133 --> 00:17:10,200 I don't appreciate your bullying. 331 00:17:10,300 --> 00:17:11,500 It's not bullying. It's a film. 332 00:17:11,600 --> 00:17:12,933 I don't care. 333 00:17:13,033 --> 00:17:15,733 Now, listen, we have a problem. 334 00:17:15,833 --> 00:17:18,300 - What? - We have a problem. 335 00:17:18,400 --> 00:17:19,633 Yes, I know we have a problem. 336 00:17:19,733 --> 00:17:21,867 You invited our blackmailer for lunch. 337 00:17:21,967 --> 00:17:23,133 It's lucky that I did, 338 00:17:23,233 --> 00:17:25,967 because I found out that he isn't our blackmailer. 339 00:17:27,433 --> 00:17:30,800 - He's ONE of our blackmailers. - Wait. What? 340 00:17:30,900 --> 00:17:32,833 There's two blackmailers. 341 00:17:37,300 --> 00:17:40,000 - Oh, my God. - I know, it's like buses. 342 00:17:40,100 --> 00:17:42,400 You wait for ages and then two come along at once. 343 00:17:42,500 --> 00:17:44,367 Mum, what are we gonna do? 344 00:17:44,467 --> 00:17:48,000 I do have... a plan. 345 00:17:48,100 --> 00:17:49,100 Do you? 346 00:17:49,200 --> 00:17:50,700 Well, then, we're fine. 347 00:17:50,800 --> 00:17:52,733 - Oh, thank you. - Yeah, because so far, 348 00:17:52,833 --> 00:17:55,433 your plans have been meticulously thought through. 349 00:17:55,533 --> 00:17:57,267 That's more of your sarcasm, isn't it? 350 00:17:57,367 --> 00:17:58,900 - Yeah, it is. - Well, you could learn 351 00:17:59,000 --> 00:18:01,333 a thing or two from Marcus, who is a polite young man. 352 00:18:01,433 --> 00:18:03,700 - And, BTF... - BTF? 353 00:18:03,800 --> 00:18:05,167 ...you shouldn't be drinking those. 354 00:18:05,267 --> 00:18:06,767 I saw a Panorama about it. 355 00:18:06,867 --> 00:18:09,300 Those will make you anxious. 356 00:18:09,400 --> 00:18:11,300 Yeah, the drinks are the issue. 357 00:18:15,500 --> 00:18:17,633 Right, so levodopa and ropinirole? 358 00:18:17,733 --> 00:18:19,333 - Yeah. Correct. - OK. 359 00:18:19,433 --> 00:18:20,400 I shall see you later, then. 360 00:18:20,500 --> 00:18:22,400 Oh, no. Just hang on a minute. Not so fast. 361 00:18:22,500 --> 00:18:24,600 - It's just good to... - What are you doing? 362 00:18:24,700 --> 00:18:28,000 - I'm coming with you. - No. No, you can't be seen. 363 00:18:28,100 --> 00:18:30,100 - Oh, please. - No, no, no. I'm serious. 364 00:18:30,200 --> 00:18:32,900 These people, they take advantage of the vulnerable. 365 00:18:34,033 --> 00:18:35,500 I'm a... I'm a pensioner. 366 00:18:35,600 --> 00:18:37,400 Never purchased more than a paracetamol. 367 00:18:37,500 --> 00:18:39,067 Come on, let me live. 368 00:18:39,167 --> 00:18:41,800 Just a little. Come on, I've got a disguise. 369 00:18:44,367 --> 00:18:45,700 Please? Come on. 370 00:18:45,800 --> 00:18:48,067 Let's go, let's go. 371 00:18:48,167 --> 00:18:50,367 Come on. Please? 372 00:18:53,500 --> 00:18:54,633 There we are. 373 00:18:54,733 --> 00:18:58,767 That's 200 of your finest English pounds. 374 00:19:00,733 --> 00:19:03,467 Is it a family business, is it? 375 00:19:03,567 --> 00:19:06,600 - Right. Here you are, then. - Thank you. 376 00:19:06,700 --> 00:19:08,833 Hmm. 377 00:19:08,933 --> 00:19:10,167 Is that the right stuff? 378 00:19:11,300 --> 00:19:13,667 Um, well, Sinemet's my preferred brand, 379 00:19:13,767 --> 00:19:14,833 but these will do. 380 00:19:14,933 --> 00:19:17,967 - Right, then. Thanks. - Yeah, well, hang on. 381 00:19:18,067 --> 00:19:19,700 - What? - I need to try 382 00:19:19,800 --> 00:19:22,900 before I buy, don't I? Yeah. No offence, but, you know, 383 00:19:23,000 --> 00:19:24,067 for 200 quid, I, want to make sure 384 00:19:24,167 --> 00:19:25,333 I'm getting what you might call... 385 00:19:25,433 --> 00:19:26,900 ...the good shit. 386 00:19:28,067 --> 00:19:29,300 Won't take long. 387 00:19:31,233 --> 00:19:32,900 So we have to wait till you come up? 388 00:19:34,500 --> 00:19:37,533 I don't so much come up as come on. 389 00:19:37,633 --> 00:19:39,367 - What? - Having Parkinson's 390 00:19:39,467 --> 00:19:41,233 is a bit like being one of those little monkey toys, 391 00:19:41,333 --> 00:19:43,367 you know, with the cymbals, except one that runs out 392 00:19:43,467 --> 00:19:44,867 of battery a lot throughout the day. 393 00:19:44,967 --> 00:19:46,200 So what I'm going to do is, 394 00:19:46,300 --> 00:19:48,967 I'm just going to have a little snooze, 395 00:19:49,067 --> 00:19:51,633 and if I power back up again in about 20 minutes, 396 00:19:51,733 --> 00:19:53,333 then we'll know that they're kosher. 397 00:19:53,433 --> 00:19:55,800 Apologies in advance 398 00:19:55,900 --> 00:19:58,733 for the drooling and the snoring 399 00:19:58,833 --> 00:20:00,867 and, I dare say, the farting. 400 00:20:02,033 --> 00:20:03,733 See you in a bit. 401 00:20:07,800 --> 00:20:09,867 Her granny was meant to have her today 402 00:20:09,967 --> 00:20:12,033 but she forgot she had tickets to Blood Brothers 403 00:20:12,133 --> 00:20:13,800 and left me in the lurch. 404 00:20:13,900 --> 00:20:16,167 - Nightmare. - Honestly, 405 00:20:16,267 --> 00:20:18,033 you think your parents are going to help 406 00:20:18,133 --> 00:20:19,300 when you have a kid, but, 407 00:20:19,400 --> 00:20:22,133 actually, they're a bigger pain in the arse than the toddlers. 408 00:20:39,667 --> 00:20:42,067 There we are. Would you care to come in? 409 00:20:42,167 --> 00:20:43,433 No, thanks. 410 00:20:43,533 --> 00:20:46,267 - Oh. - What? 411 00:20:46,367 --> 00:20:50,000 I just thought your response was a bit blunt, that's all. 412 00:20:50,100 --> 00:20:52,367 Why? What did you want me to say? 413 00:20:52,467 --> 00:20:54,567 - No, nothing. - No. No, go on. 414 00:20:54,667 --> 00:20:55,833 No, it's just, um, you know 415 00:20:55,933 --> 00:20:57,567 when I said I'd forgotten my wallet 416 00:20:57,667 --> 00:20:59,567 and I went back to your friend's car? 417 00:20:59,667 --> 00:21:01,833 Not my friend. Literally a drug dealer. 418 00:21:01,933 --> 00:21:03,767 Yeah. Anyway, I went back 419 00:21:03,867 --> 00:21:06,900 to procure a bag of these little fizzers. 420 00:21:07,000 --> 00:21:08,833 Edible ganja. 421 00:21:08,933 --> 00:21:12,633 Wouldn't mind a bit of company when I dabble. 422 00:21:12,733 --> 00:21:15,867 It is meant to be good for my symptoms. 423 00:21:15,967 --> 00:21:17,400 Hmm? 424 00:21:17,500 --> 00:21:19,367 All right. 425 00:21:21,367 --> 00:21:24,300 Damn! I forgot about Bargain Hunt. 426 00:21:24,400 --> 00:21:26,267 Let's call it off. 427 00:21:26,367 --> 00:21:28,967 No, no, no. You need to distract them. 428 00:21:29,067 --> 00:21:29,967 Well, Pamela, anyway. 429 00:21:30,067 --> 00:21:31,400 It doesn't matter about Jean. She's blind. 430 00:21:31,500 --> 00:21:32,933 This is quite mental. 431 00:21:33,033 --> 00:21:36,633 There's a fine line between mental and genius, Harold. 432 00:21:36,733 --> 00:21:38,000 Yeah, that's what mental people say. 433 00:21:38,100 --> 00:21:42,467 Look, I need to gather evidence so that Neha can arrest Pamela. 434 00:21:42,567 --> 00:21:44,300 Yeah, and then she'll tell everyone about Dad. 435 00:21:44,400 --> 00:21:46,633 No! That's where my plan comes into action. 436 00:21:46,733 --> 00:21:48,667 Oh, yeah. The plan. 437 00:21:48,767 --> 00:21:51,533 Not only have we got your dad's death certificate, 438 00:21:51,633 --> 00:21:54,100 but we also have the funeral director 439 00:21:54,200 --> 00:21:56,300 who cremated him on the payroll 440 00:21:56,400 --> 00:21:58,700 and ready to swear in a court of law 441 00:21:58,800 --> 00:22:01,567 that that dead body was indeed your dad. 442 00:22:01,667 --> 00:22:03,567 We are home and clean. 443 00:22:03,667 --> 00:22:05,500 You paid off Marcus? 444 00:22:05,600 --> 00:22:07,133 - Of course. Yeah. - Neha was right. 445 00:22:07,233 --> 00:22:08,200 What? 446 00:22:08,300 --> 00:22:09,700 We're a crime family. 447 00:22:09,800 --> 00:22:12,333 Oh, don't be silly. Crime families kill people. 448 00:22:12,433 --> 00:22:14,033 We're just a bit complicated. 449 00:22:14,133 --> 00:22:16,400 Like the Beckhams. Come on. 450 00:22:20,233 --> 00:22:22,667 I feel like my hands are encased 451 00:22:22,767 --> 00:22:26,300 in sort of Polystyrene blocks 452 00:22:26,400 --> 00:22:31,033 and little mice running across my tummy, 453 00:22:31,133 --> 00:22:34,900 and they're wearing tiny little football boots. 454 00:22:35,000 --> 00:22:36,200 Right. 455 00:22:37,333 --> 00:22:40,267 It's not a wholly unpleasant sensation. 456 00:22:40,367 --> 00:22:42,933 So do you think it'd be all right if I chip off, then? 457 00:22:43,033 --> 00:22:45,467 - I need to get the kids. - Yeah... 458 00:22:45,567 --> 00:22:47,800 - OK. - Night-night. 459 00:22:47,900 --> 00:22:49,167 Now, you say that. 460 00:22:49,267 --> 00:22:50,600 - I do wonder... - What? 461 00:22:53,200 --> 00:22:55,200 Yeah. I thought as much. 462 00:22:59,067 --> 00:23:02,167 - What are you waiting for? - I don't know if I can do it. 463 00:23:02,267 --> 00:23:05,500 - I don't know what to say. - Of course you can do it. 464 00:23:05,600 --> 00:23:07,033 No, no. 465 00:23:07,133 --> 00:23:09,200 - No, Mum, no. What do I say? - She's coming. 466 00:23:09,300 --> 00:23:10,767 I think I'm gonna have a panic attack. 467 00:23:10,867 --> 00:23:12,300 Get on with it, you sissy! 468 00:23:14,233 --> 00:23:15,733 - Hello? - Hello. 469 00:23:15,833 --> 00:23:17,633 If you're looking for your mum, she's not here, you know. 470 00:23:17,733 --> 00:23:18,667 We do invite her, 471 00:23:18,767 --> 00:23:21,500 but she says that Bargain Hunt is for halfwits. 472 00:23:21,600 --> 00:23:23,333 She's more of a Flog It! gal. 473 00:23:23,433 --> 00:23:26,200 That's by the by, anyway. I'm actually not here for her. No. 474 00:23:26,300 --> 00:23:31,000 I'm-I'm here because I'm, uh... I'm fundraising. 475 00:23:31,100 --> 00:23:34,000 Really? For what? For, um... 476 00:23:35,800 --> 00:23:36,967 Cat. 477 00:23:37,067 --> 00:23:38,233 S. 478 00:23:38,333 --> 00:23:40,133 Cats. 479 00:23:40,233 --> 00:23:41,967 - OK. - Pamela! 480 00:23:42,067 --> 00:23:43,667 They're about to do the auction. 481 00:23:43,767 --> 00:23:46,000 Sorry, I've got to go. There's a carpeted commode, 482 00:23:46,100 --> 00:23:47,800 and we're worried it won't make its reserve. 483 00:23:47,900 --> 00:23:49,700 No, you can't go. 484 00:23:49,800 --> 00:23:51,233 These cats are in trouble, Pam. 485 00:23:51,333 --> 00:23:53,467 Are they? How? 486 00:23:53,567 --> 00:23:55,533 They're, uh... 487 00:23:56,700 --> 00:23:57,867 They're dead. 488 00:23:57,967 --> 00:23:59,367 You're fundraising for dead cats? 489 00:23:59,467 --> 00:24:01,100 Sorry. No, they're not dead. 490 00:24:01,200 --> 00:24:03,133 They're, um... 491 00:24:03,233 --> 00:24:05,767 They're deaf, so they can't... 492 00:24:05,867 --> 00:24:08,867 They will die if we don't raise money for them. 493 00:24:08,967 --> 00:24:10,600 Why would deaf cats die? 494 00:24:10,700 --> 00:24:14,100 Because they're not just deaf cats, Pamela. 495 00:24:14,200 --> 00:24:16,000 These are deaf cats with... 496 00:24:18,167 --> 00:24:19,467 ...Parkinson's disease. 497 00:24:19,567 --> 00:24:22,800 And, you know, I don't want them to suffer like Dad did. 498 00:24:22,900 --> 00:24:24,033 Oh... 499 00:24:25,167 --> 00:24:26,833 Oh... 500 00:24:26,933 --> 00:24:28,467 Am I going to die? 501 00:24:28,567 --> 00:24:31,467 No, you're just having a whitey. 502 00:24:31,567 --> 00:24:33,533 Whitey? 503 00:24:33,633 --> 00:24:35,333 It's when you have a bad trip and, um, you vomit. 504 00:24:45,000 --> 00:24:46,667 They can't even clean themselves 505 00:24:46,767 --> 00:24:48,300 because they wobble too much. 506 00:24:48,400 --> 00:24:49,467 Aw... 507 00:25:29,467 --> 00:25:32,100 It's OK... 508 00:25:32,200 --> 00:25:34,433 So they can't even catch a little mouse. And they... 509 00:25:34,533 --> 00:25:37,600 Sorry. 510 00:25:39,367 --> 00:25:40,533 Would you excuse me a second, 511 00:25:40,633 --> 00:25:42,067 but also not move from where you are? 512 00:25:42,167 --> 00:25:43,567 Thank you. 513 00:25:43,667 --> 00:25:44,700 Hello. 514 00:25:44,800 --> 00:25:46,600 You need to pick the kids up. 515 00:25:46,700 --> 00:25:48,267 I'm in the middle of something. And it's your turn. 516 00:25:48,367 --> 00:25:50,300 Something's come up with your dad. 517 00:25:50,400 --> 00:25:53,067 We went to get his, you know, Parkinson's stuff. 518 00:25:53,167 --> 00:25:54,700 I took my eye off him for literally a minute 519 00:25:54,800 --> 00:25:56,200 and, well, he ate some cannabis 520 00:25:56,300 --> 00:25:57,833 and now he's projectile vomiting everywhere 521 00:25:57,933 --> 00:25:59,500 and I think I'm gonna be sick. 522 00:25:59,600 --> 00:26:01,367 Mum's gonna go potty if he's done that all over the rug. 523 00:26:01,467 --> 00:26:02,567 I'll leave you to it. 524 00:26:02,667 --> 00:26:03,967 Yeah. Give me a second here, Pam. 525 00:26:04,067 --> 00:26:06,300 You get on. It's been lovely chatting, OK? 526 00:26:06,400 --> 00:26:07,867 I said give me a fucking second, Pam! 527 00:26:07,967 --> 00:26:09,967 I need to go. 528 00:26:10,067 --> 00:26:12,100 - You need to get the kids. - OK. Bye-bye. Mwah. 529 00:26:12,200 --> 00:26:16,000 Sh-sh-shh-shh! 530 00:26:16,100 --> 00:26:18,200 So there's a bit of an emergency! 531 00:26:18,300 --> 00:26:20,467 I'm gonna have to go now. OK? 532 00:26:20,567 --> 00:26:22,667 - OK. - And just to be clear, 533 00:26:22,767 --> 00:26:26,267 that's me, Harry Gerald Fendon, leaving your house, 534 00:26:26,367 --> 00:26:28,767 - Pamela Anderson. - OK! 535 00:26:28,867 --> 00:26:30,833 Bye, then. 536 00:26:30,933 --> 00:26:32,467 Bye-bye. 537 00:26:32,567 --> 00:26:33,700 Bye! 538 00:26:33,800 --> 00:26:35,233 Bye-bye! 539 00:26:35,333 --> 00:26:36,400 Bye! 540 00:26:36,500 --> 00:26:37,667 Bye! 541 00:26:37,767 --> 00:26:39,633 Bye! 542 00:26:39,733 --> 00:26:41,100 Bye! 543 00:26:41,200 --> 00:26:42,567 Bye! 544 00:26:54,667 --> 00:26:56,433 Trixie? 545 00:27:16,533 --> 00:27:19,933 Trixiebelle, where are you? 546 00:27:27,233 --> 00:27:29,400 Here, puss-puss! 547 00:27:38,067 --> 00:27:40,433 Ah... Right.